Necrotongue

I had no idea I would enjoy this almost-biopic so much, but I did. I guess it's because the serious/tragic story also included subtle humor and very good acting performances on the part of the two protagonists. I don’t know how but those 115 minutes just raced by, despite practically zero action unless you count the trips from the house to the city and back. I had a good time all along. I like films that make me want to find out more about the story. I knew nothing about Maude Lewis, but I do now.

I didn't expect the film to be anything special, so there was no reason for disappointment. The creators focused on special effects, but the beginning of the film differed from Sommers' The Mummy only in that it was set in the present, the mummy’s gender and spiders instead of scarabs. The film did go its own way after that, but it didn’t impress me much. I wonder if the writers thought about what they'd written. I don’t think they did. Otherwise, I wouldn't have to ponder why an undead Egyptian woman was being followed by equally undead knights. Lame.

Yikes, that was depressing! I was bored out of my mind. The creators failed to get me interested in anything they were trying to say. Natalie Portman in the lead role was absolutely terrible. Not for a moment did I manage to forget that it was her playing Jacqueline Kennedy, which is a major problem for me. A good acting performance lets you forget that it's an acting performance.

The premise wasn't bad at all, the acting was decent, but the running time was awfully long. I understand that when you’re a lighthouse keeper, the days do get long, but the film didn't need to be so literal about it. It's possible that I was influenced by the fact that I'd seen another film before this one with a running time of 137 minutes, but I still think a cut would be in order.

Even if I ignored the two sleazy-looking leads, I would still be annoyed by the weird plot that didn't work for me at all. Luc Besson bet everything on the visuals, but after a while I felt like I'd seen it all before and remembered Bruce Willis driving around in his cab in The Fifth Element. But The Fifth Element was action-packed, funny and full of one-liners. Here, there was just action that wasn’t all that exciting for me, plus Rihanna, who had already shown me her acting skills in Battleship. And if that wasn’t bad enough, I wasted more than two hours on this film.

I've read King's Dark Tower series a few times which is why I’m somewhat baffled. Why is the film called The Dark Tower when it is clearly a very poor adaptation of the first part of the series – “The Gunslinger”? Why is Roland played by a black man? If they make a film adaptation of “The Drawing of the Three”, how will Detta Walker be able to call him a honky? Things sure can’t be resolved by making Detta white, because then she would have to use the forbidden n-word and a wave of race riots would sweep the US. A huge yet predictable disappointment.

When Reese Witherspoon was younger, I avoided movies with her because she got on my nerves for some reason. Lately, I enjoy pretty much everything she's in (I feel the same way about Jennifer Aniston). I enjoyed mainly the first half of the film, then the humor surrendered to romance and the ending struck me as downright naïve. I wasn’t exactly thrilled, but it wasn't a disaster either.

I wasn't really looking forward to this film, so I was quite surprised by how much I enjoyed it. I was very close to giving it four stars, but the inevitable monologues and dialogues at the end tried to play on my emotions in a disgusting way, so I ended up giving just three. The theme of the film toyed with a similar idea to El Club de los Suicidas, and the casting of Imogen Poots and Toni Collette was a great move. I'm all the more annoyed by the disappointing ending. "I'll give you a shout on the way down."

Once again, the Dutch filmmakers pulled off a film with excellent atmosphere. Based on its running time, I thought it would drag on, but instead it just flew by. Guy Pearce was cast in the role of a slimy bastard, which was a perfect fit for him as usual. The story was told in an interesting way, kind of a journey against the flow of time, and it didn’t get boring for even a second. It’s true that there wasn't much action but when it did come it was brutal. The scene with the pigs reminded me of Deadwood and Mr. Wu.

The creators got a little carried away this time with their enthusiasm for the main character, I could accept the operation in an ambulance, but at full speed? Come on, they could have let it stop for a while. Otherwise, the doctor entertained me as usual, his unempathetic approach to patients really amuses me, and the evaluation of the kiss was reeking of brilliance. That really pleases me.